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Tomato, We Hardly Knew Ye

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(Or: Gardening May Not Be For Me)

What you see there is the remnant of the lone ripening tomato that was on the vine when I left the house on Monday afternoon. This is what was left of it by the time we got back two hours later. Oh, there was a little green one, too; I later spotted half of it over by the barbecue.

Never have I felt such murderous rage toward the nasty, stinking squirrels that consider our backyard their home. A logical person would realize that they probably would’ve carried on their dirty pillaging right under our noses, but I’m not so sure. I think it was a plot.

This makes my fourth failure in the pursuit of successful tomato farming. I’m pretty sure I’m done now.

On the plus side, though, at least we don’t actually have to rely on my feeble efforts for food. I think that’s something for which this whole house should be deeply and profoundly thankful. There are only so many ways you can cook up parsley, and I dare say none of ’em are going to fill you up!



8 responses »

  1. That is heart breaking! At least you try. I know that I will never be able to get ’em to grow with my black thumbs, so I don’t even make the effort. I just sit around and dream of gardeners flocking to give me piles of their abundance. We actually did get a tomato donation this week from a customer. First one in YEARS!!!

  2. Squirrels are evil. They did the same thing (stealing tomatoes) to me last year. Grrrr.

  3. Don’t give Bev started on squirrels. It’s a whole big thing.

  4. Don’t get Bev……..(sorry)

  5. Seriously, I have a tear in my eye.


    We had rats YES RATS gnaw a giant whole in my prized giant pumpkin last year and I will tell you that I did, indeed, cry.

    All rodents can bite me.

    Don’t give up though! Just put some chicken wire around your tomatoes so those F’ers can’t get in.

  6. Don’t give up Megan! Is it dry where you are? We have more squirrels than tree leaves and this happens to us too. Just as the tomatoes are ripening you’ll find half-eaten pieces strewn about the yard, usually under their tree perches. Someone told us they do this to get moisture when it’s dry. We just keep trying. There were a couple years we got almost nothing after their rampages but last year we did good. Keep trying!

    BTW, we tried chicken wire but it barely slowed them down. Those buggers are crafty!

  7. I feel like the Lorax, “I speak for the squirrels!” Sorry, I love squirrels, but I don’t have a garden for them to ruin so it’s a different story. I throw birdseed out in the yard every morning for the squirrels and birds and watching them eat is the highlight of my cats’ otherwise ho-hum lives. My dad keeps a BB gun by the porch and tries to zing squirrels when they go for the birdfeeder so clearly my affection is not an inherited trait.

    But, hey, at least your tomatoes grew Meg – that’s an accomplishment!

  8. Ever since the stinkin’ squirrels dug up my entire crop of Jackson Perkins bulbs a few years ago I have hated the nasty little rodents with a passion! Too bad about the tomatoes. It’s just terrible to have to rely on the flavorless grocery store variety. Alas, between the squirrels and my black thumb…


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